Here are some helpful tips if you want to get drunk and randomly punch windows on a Friday night at 2AM.
1) Pick a window that isn’t surrounded by tons of people that will see you break it.
2) Pick a window that, when shattered, won’t try to kill you. The glass should be less than 50 years old and of the “safety” variety so it doesn’t just break into large, razor-sharp pieces.
3) When the cops find you, don’t say you got that nice, fresh, gaping flesh wound “earlier”
4) Pick a window that is worth *less* than $2000 so, when you get arrested, it isn’t a felony
Tonight the front window got smashed by someone who isn’t so bright. The general consensus is that they are lucky they didn’t lose a limb. The top half of that window could have easily fallen and chopped off an arm or leg, so to just have a minor flesh wound is a good thing. I’m glad I’m not cleaning up body parts along with the glass. This is extremely unsafe 50 year old glass, not the typical safety glass you would normally find, which is part of the reason it was slated to be replaced in a couple of months. I woke up to the sound of the window breaking (fun!) and pretty much knew exactly what had happened. I threw on a T-shirt and some styling shoes and came down to assess the damage. The cops were already here, since it’s Friday night on The Square and they pretty much just camp out, dealing with the typical fights and drunkeness. I filled out an “incident report”, gave them the quotes we already had to replace that window, and they tried to find glass with blood on it. They caught the guy pretty quick and he confessed, after trying to say that the fresh wound he was tending to was a “pre-existing condition”. Because of the cost of replacing the entire window (around $2200), he will be charged with a felony after they patch him up. Now back to bed!
